Learn to Speak Budweiseran

This was a 2015 Budweiser Super Bowl ad that continues to air on television regularly, and since it is a direct attack on beer-snobbishness, I felt the need to address it.

Actually, I felt the need to translate it. In what I’m sure they think is a brilliant strategy, Budweiser has taken all the things beer snobs criticize them for and turned them into selling points, pitting Joe Sixpack against Beer Snobs, clearly promoting class warfare. However, when you have someone like myself that can translate Budweiseran into English (I bought the Rosetta Stone), the truth of their ad becomes evident.

Word for word Budweiser statements from this ad will appear first. Translation will appear in italics.

1. “Proudly a macro beer”. Like we have any choice. Anheuser-Busch (Budweiser) is the largest brewing company in the world, making the “King of Beers” the King of mass production.

2. “It’s not brewed to be fussed over”. Drink it as quickly as you can before it gets even 2 degrees warmer and tastes even worse.

3. “It’s brewed for a crisp smooth finish”. Flavor was not our first priority.

4. “This is the only beer beechwood aged since 1876”. We’ve been dumping fresh mulch into our vats (see Budweiser brewing process) for really long time.

5. “There’s only one Budweiser”. Because we’ve copyrighted the name.

6. “It’s brewed for drinking, not dissecting”. Please don’t dissect it, we’re afraid of what you’d find.

7. “The people who drink our beer, are people who like to drink beer brewed the hard way”. It’s brewed the “hard way” when compared to brewing tea or coffee.

8. “Let them sip their pumpkin peach ale”. Because we’ll never make anything that complex.

9. “We’ll be brewing us some golden suds”. Considering what our product is, it was the most appetizing description we could think of. 

Final thoughts: I’ve never referred to any beer I’ve enjoyed drinking as “golden suds”. Northern Brewer Homebrew Supply put out a “Peach of Resistance” pumpkin peach ale homebrewing kit, which I assume was in direct response to this ad, and appropriately it is currently sold out. Budweiser isn’t the worst beer ever made, but you don’t see Rolling Rock putting out craft beer attack ads.

For a more in-depth and serious look at this commercial you have to check out this post at The Beer Babe blog, it’s a great read!