Are You a Beer Snob? (Part 1)

How do you know if you’re a beer snob? Some people think they’re a beer snob if they prefer a Sam Adams Lager over a Miller Lite at the local bar. If you go to the liquor store and decide to branch out and try Dos Equis Ambar instead of your usual Dos Equis Lager, does that make you a beer snob? Well, let me tell you a true story that might help you understand the mindset.

Several years ago I had a random weekday off from work and I was out running errands. I decided to grab lunch at the British Beer Company in Walpole, MA, which is a local chain of British Style Pubs in Massachusetts. I chose this location because they usually have between 40-50 craft beer draughts from all over the world to choose from. This was probably sign #1 that I’m a beer snob. I chose my lunch location based on beer selection, not food selection, but that’s not the point of this story.

When I arrived the pub was quite empty, it was around 1pm on a Tues. afternoon and I sat at the bar. About 20 minutes after I sat down two men in their late 20s or early 30s came in and sat down at the other side of the bar. It was pretty quiet so I could hear most of their conversation, and they seemed like two pretty decent guys, playing hooky from work and running some errands, not unlike myself. They seemed to be in a jovial enough mood, as the bartender approached and gave the customary “What’ll ya have, gentlemen?”. Then it happened. They told the bartender they wouldn’t be having any food, and proceeded to order two Rolling Rocks,…in bottles.

If you’re wondering when something is actually going to happen in this story, you are not a beer snob. However, If you read that last sentence and immediately felt a pit in your stomach as a form of disgust, anger and disbelief washed over you, then you understand the mind of a beer snob. That mix of raw emotion stems from the unsolvable riddle that these two gentlemen have presented to your brain. Those two guys might as well have said “If it weren’t for my horse I wouldn’t have spent that year in college”. In fact, the Lewis Black stand-up bit below sums up the feeling perfectly.

The bottom line is there are four relevant facts to this situation:

1. These two guys chose the British Beer Company over the dozens of other establishments in that area.

2. We know from their order that they drink beer and wanted beer (and didn’t want any food).

3. The British beer company has 40-50 craft beers on draught.

4. The ordered Rolling Rock in a bottle

Your brain will never be able to reconcile these facts, because you’re a beer snob.